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[ She expected as much, but hearing it said "aloud" adds an extra layer of severity to the fact. Should she even say that she hopes the two of them will be alright? She isn't sure, and so she keeps it to herself. ]
... I see. Anyway, I'll leave you to rest now, but... is it alright if I come by later to drop off some snacks?
[ Mostly, she wants to make sure he isn't exaggerating about his relatively good health... ]
... I see. Anyway, I'll leave you to rest now, but... is it alright if I come by later to drop off some snacks?
[ Mostly, she wants to make sure he isn't exaggerating about his relatively good health... ]
[ Gray never expects anyone to take notice of her crying except as something to be awkwardly ignored. Even she no longer has any care for them except to be exasperated that they've come again; she cries much too easily, and even now she doesn't bother to wipe them away.
More importantly, there's meaning laden in Ciel's question. As naive and wishy-washy as Gray's wish is, there's no condescension in Ciel's advice. Just the opposite. Despite the seriousness of her tone, there's encouragement there for Gray to be more firm in her resolve — what resolve there is to be had — that doesn't run counter to Abel's advice either.
She looks at Ciel with soft, seeing eyes, feeling like a baby bird getting slowly pushed out of its nest. Maybe it could be called tough love... though it feels to her like more than that, a crack that happens to split into a fissure.
She understands some things. She thinks, maybe, that she understands Ciel's meaning. But if she's being urged to fight, then who should she be fighting? The natural target would be the person in direct command of Barnaby and Abel's suffering, but to fight the Regent... ]
Can I really make that much of a difference?
[ She (thinks) she knows her limitations. She isn't wise enough to hatch schemes or rally people around her. The best she can do is follow orders. ]
More importantly, there's meaning laden in Ciel's question. As naive and wishy-washy as Gray's wish is, there's no condescension in Ciel's advice. Just the opposite. Despite the seriousness of her tone, there's encouragement there for Gray to be more firm in her resolve — what resolve there is to be had — that doesn't run counter to Abel's advice either.
She looks at Ciel with soft, seeing eyes, feeling like a baby bird getting slowly pushed out of its nest. Maybe it could be called tough love... though it feels to her like more than that, a crack that happens to split into a fissure.
She understands some things. She thinks, maybe, that she understands Ciel's meaning. But if she's being urged to fight, then who should she be fighting? The natural target would be the person in direct command of Barnaby and Abel's suffering, but to fight the Regent... ]
Can I really make that much of a difference?
[ She (thinks) she knows her limitations. She isn't wise enough to hatch schemes or rally people around her. The best she can do is follow orders. ]
Edited 2022-08-08 21:21 (UTC)
[ Johnny's mindfulness of her age momentarily takes her aback, even though she knows on a gut level that good people don't make teenagers fight their wars for them. At the same time, she's already used to following the whims of irresponsible adults, so for someone in her life to (rightfully) point out that she is, actually, a child who shouldn't be asked to do dangerous work, it's depressingly shocking.
At the same time, she doesn't want to be coddled either, so... ]
Um, what should the Regent be having me do instead then?
At the same time, she doesn't want to be coddled either, so... ]
Um, what should the Regent be having me do instead then?
Edited 2022-08-08 21:57 (UTC)
You'll never find out, if you don't try.
[Gray is someone who can, unlike Ciel. That's why she won't give her empty platitudes, let it be vapid encouragement or criticism that leaves no room for argument.]
And if you don't, then you'll stay as you are. You'll continue to struggle, until what you can't reconcile with grinds you away.
[If she stays here with the Kenoma, it will chip at her until what makes Gray Gray is no more. It's perhaps more warning than advice: she needs to leave this nest, before the greater beasts that prowl around it eat her whole.]
Will you try?
[Can she spread her wings and fly?]
[Gray is someone who can, unlike Ciel. That's why she won't give her empty platitudes, let it be vapid encouragement or criticism that leaves no room for argument.]
And if you don't, then you'll stay as you are. You'll continue to struggle, until what you can't reconcile with grinds you away.
[If she stays here with the Kenoma, it will chip at her until what makes Gray Gray is no more. It's perhaps more warning than advice: she needs to leave this nest, before the greater beasts that prowl around it eat her whole.]
Will you try?
[Can she spread her wings and fly?]
Huh? [ the question was evidently one he hadn't been anticipating, and he flounders for a moment. ] I don't know... Going to school?
[ it's hypocritical for him to suggest this when he'd stopped going around her age to focus on his racing career, but at the same time, he'd like to think that racing horses is a more acceptable mode of employment than "death cult infantry." ]
[ it's hypocritical for him to suggest this when he'd stopped going around her age to focus on his racing career, but at the same time, he'd like to think that racing horses is a more acceptable mode of employment than "death cult infantry." ]
[ That does it. To Gray, there's no greater threat than staying the way she is.
But change is hard in a different way, and it's with a bitter, knowing weight that she drags out a reply. ]
Yes. I'll try... however I can.
[ She doesn't know where to begin, but even deciding to begin is progress in itself. One step at a time. That's really the best she can hope for. ]
... But what about you?
But change is hard in a different way, and it's with a bitter, knowing weight that she drags out a reply. ]
Yes. I'll try... however I can.
[ She doesn't know where to begin, but even deciding to begin is progress in itself. One step at a time. That's really the best she can hope for. ]
... But what about you?
Are you satisfied with all this? Is this really... you?
[ Capturing Abel. Treating him like he's nothing. Gray's witnessed a Ciel who's had all kinds of opinions about Abel, but even if they were overwhelmingly annoyed and negative, they still came from a place genuinely human. ]
[ Capturing Abel. Treating him like he's nothing. Gray's witnessed a Ciel who's had all kinds of opinions about Abel, but even if they were overwhelmingly annoyed and negative, they still came from a place genuinely human. ]
[Ah, so that's what she's fretting over. Hah...]
I am all that and worse, Gray. I made my choice to be on this side from the very beginning. You wouldn't have been pushed into this difficult position if not for what I did, right?
[Folding her hands at her back, she answers calmly, easily.]
So in a sense, I suppose I really have no room to talk... But should you really be worrying about me, when your own situation is a lot more dangerous now?
I am all that and worse, Gray. I made my choice to be on this side from the very beginning. You wouldn't have been pushed into this difficult position if not for what I did, right?
[Folding her hands at her back, she answers calmly, easily.]
So in a sense, I suppose I really have no room to talk... But should you really be worrying about me, when your own situation is a lot more dangerous now?
[ Does Ciel feel that strongly about the Kenoma cause? She certainly seems to think the ends justify the means. It's magelike thinking; even if the Holy Church was the enemy of magecraft, Gray was never able to discern a tangible difference between the two organizations in spirit. ]
... Sorry. I don't really know how not to worry.
[ It's in her DNA... Even though her body turned into someone else's, her troublesome anxiety is all hers. ]
What do you mean by... dangerous?
... Sorry. I don't really know how not to worry.
[ It's in her DNA... Even though her body turned into someone else's, her troublesome anxiety is all hers. ]
What do you mean by... dangerous?
[She just laughs a little. The sound is easy, but not very mirthful.]
If you're suspected of acting against orders, your allies, or sympathizing with the enemy, it's only a matter of time before you get in trouble with things no one can help you with. That's why you can't stay here forever, Gray. Why you'll fade away little by little, unless you take the steps to start moving and change for yourself.
[She's too kind, too hopeful to be here, it's as simple as that.]
If you're suspected of acting against orders, your allies, or sympathizing with the enemy, it's only a matter of time before you get in trouble with things no one can help you with. That's why you can't stay here forever, Gray. Why you'll fade away little by little, unless you take the steps to start moving and change for yourself.
[She's too kind, too hopeful to be here, it's as simple as that.]
[ Ciel is right, of course. If Gray were determined to stay, she could certainly slide bit by bit, compromising herself until she fits the mold set by the Regent. If she's going to set a line which must not be crossed, she has to do so now, while she still has the clarity to recognize where it ought to be.
It's a lot to think about. Recognizing that change is necessary isn't the same as knowing the best way to enact that change. But now is the best time to meditate on it; following the chaos in both Godsblood and Venera, the Regent shouldn't be issuing any big orders for at least a little while. ]
I understand. Thank you for the advice, Miss Ciel.
[ It wasn't the lecture she expected, but in a good way. ]
It's a lot to think about. Recognizing that change is necessary isn't the same as knowing the best way to enact that change. But now is the best time to meditate on it; following the chaos in both Godsblood and Venera, the Regent shouldn't be issuing any big orders for at least a little while. ]
I understand. Thank you for the advice, Miss Ciel.
[ It wasn't the lecture she expected, but in a good way. ]
Mm.
[Turning away from Gray, she folds her hands behind her back as she gazes out at the ocean.]
They'll come for their own, sometimes this month. Things will get really chaotic in Achamoth, there's no telling what's going to happen to anyone.
[She starts, almost contemplatively. The Pleromas, the Kenomas. Abel and Himeka.
Gray.]
[Turning away from Gray, she folds her hands behind her back as she gazes out at the ocean.]
They'll come for their own, sometimes this month. Things will get really chaotic in Achamoth, there's no telling what's going to happen to anyone.
[She starts, almost contemplatively. The Pleromas, the Kenomas. Abel and Himeka.
Gray.]
[ Gray might have expected that some Pleroma would abandon all caution and come to Abel and Himeka's rescue — Thoma comes to mind — but Ciel speaks with so much certainty. From the sound of it, she expects things to get chaotic... which wouldn't be surprising given the Pleroma Aions' doggedness in rescuing Vaeka. Gray should probably find it frustrating, but she doesn't. ]
Miss Ciel?
[ It seems like something is on her mind. ]
Miss Ciel?
[ It seems like something is on her mind. ]
[ Gray, who's only just begun to accept that she needs to change her circumstances, does not quite understand. It sounds like Ciel has something much more urgent in mind — and she may very well be right that if there's any chance of taking action, it will be when the action elsewhere is thickest. ]
... Even if it's at odds with the Regent's wishes?
... Even if it's at odds with the Regent's wishes?
[ ............. ]
... No.
[ ok, he can't argue with that... he didn't like regular American school, and he's sure kenoma school would be worse...... ]
Okay, maybe not school, but definitely not fighting people.
... No.
[ ok, he can't argue with that... he didn't like regular American school, and he's sure kenoma school would be worse...... ]
Okay, maybe not school, but definitely not fighting people.
[ whether or not Gray's in, there will be a gentle knock on her door. With Childe on the other side, he doesn't wait for to see if she's available there, and instead he moves to crouch and set the cutely wrapped package down at the door while making sure to keep it face up with the bow tucked under the ribbon.
The note is not signed, but it reads: This is for Gray. when she opens it, she'll find another unsigned note with the same handwriting reading: This is from Thoma! Enjoy. along with the gift the Pleroma aion made for her.
Satisfied that no one is going to find it suspicious and take it before Gray receives it, he'll get up now to start walking down the d hall back to his own room.
That's the last one of the gifts he promised to deliver, but he decides it may be too risky right now to reach out with communion, so he'll have to confirm that he successfully delivered all the gifts later.
If Gray is in and opens the door in time, she's welcome to spot him, but unless she calls out to him he'll just keep walking until he's gone from sight. ]
The note is not signed, but it reads: This is for Gray. when she opens it, she'll find another unsigned note with the same handwriting reading: This is from Thoma! Enjoy. along with the gift the Pleroma aion made for her.
Satisfied that no one is going to find it suspicious and take it before Gray receives it, he'll get up now to start walking down the d hall back to his own room.
That's the last one of the gifts he promised to deliver, but he decides it may be too risky right now to reach out with communion, so he'll have to confirm that he successfully delivered all the gifts later.
If Gray is in and opens the door in time, she's welcome to spot him, but unless she calls out to him he'll just keep walking until he's gone from sight. ]
What wishes.
[She 'asks' without asking, keeping her gaze trailed into the distance without looking back at Gray.]
You haven't disobeyed any direct orders. You simply bore witness to a callous display of what passes as the norm in Achamoth, and it's what made you realize you can't stay here without compromising your sense of self. The Regent prefers willing followers anyway, so it's simply logical and best practice, for you to go before you can really get yourself in trouble.
[Her chest heaves as she exhales.]
We'll be okay here. Focus on yourself. Remember: you have to protect yourself before you can protect others.
[She 'asks' without asking, keeping her gaze trailed into the distance without looking back at Gray.]
You haven't disobeyed any direct orders. You simply bore witness to a callous display of what passes as the norm in Achamoth, and it's what made you realize you can't stay here without compromising your sense of self. The Regent prefers willing followers anyway, so it's simply logical and best practice, for you to go before you can really get yourself in trouble.
[Her chest heaves as she exhales.]
We'll be okay here. Focus on yourself. Remember: you have to protect yourself before you can protect others.
We don't have anyone that young.
[ a beat. ]
Or... I guess we do, but no, he doesn't fight. [ he's never met Yuya, so it took a moment to remember him. ] Not that I know about, anyway.
[ a beat. ]
Or... I guess we do, but no, he doesn't fight. [ he's never met Yuya, so it took a moment to remember him. ] Not that I know about, anyway.
... Okay.
[ That snaps things into clarity. Before she can help others, she has to help herself. That rings true to her, especially in this frustrating situation she's built for herself in which she's become little more than a child on the sidelines watching the adults rushing into disaster time and time again. If they feel they can't rely on her, then it must be because she doesn't seem reliable. She has to start with herself, and figure out how to help the people who matter to her in her own way. ]
Thank you, Miss Ciel. For speaking with me.
[ That snaps things into clarity. Before she can help others, she has to help herself. That rings true to her, especially in this frustrating situation she's built for herself in which she's become little more than a child on the sidelines watching the adults rushing into disaster time and time again. If they feel they can't rely on her, then it must be because she doesn't seem reliable. She has to start with herself, and figure out how to help the people who matter to her in her own way. ]
Thank you, Miss Ciel. For speaking with me.
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