Are you satisfied with all this? Is this really... you?
[ Capturing Abel. Treating him like he's nothing. Gray's witnessed a Ciel who's had all kinds of opinions about Abel, but even if they were overwhelmingly annoyed and negative, they still came from a place genuinely human. ]
I am all that and worse, Gray. I made my choice to be on this side from the very beginning. You wouldn't have been pushed into this difficult position if not for what I did, right?
[Folding her hands at her back, she answers calmly, easily.]
So in a sense, I suppose I really have no room to talk... But should you really be worrying about me, when your own situation is a lot more dangerous now?
[ Does Ciel feel that strongly about the Kenoma cause? She certainly seems to think the ends justify the means. It's magelike thinking; even if the Holy Church was the enemy of magecraft, Gray was never able to discern a tangible difference between the two organizations in spirit. ]
... Sorry. I don't really know how not to worry.
[ It's in her DNA... Even though her body turned into someone else's, her troublesome anxiety is all hers. ]
[She just laughs a little. The sound is easy, but not very mirthful.]
If you're suspected of acting against orders, your allies, or sympathizing with the enemy, it's only a matter of time before you get in trouble with things no one can help you with. That's why you can't stay here forever, Gray. Why you'll fade away little by little, unless you take the steps to start moving and change for yourself.
[She's too kind, too hopeful to be here, it's as simple as that.]
[ Ciel is right, of course. If Gray were determined to stay, she could certainly slide bit by bit, compromising herself until she fits the mold set by the Regent. If she's going to set a line which must not be crossed, she has to do so now, while she still has the clarity to recognize where it ought to be.
It's a lot to think about. Recognizing that change is necessary isn't the same as knowing the best way to enact that change. But now is the best time to meditate on it; following the chaos in both Godsblood and Venera, the Regent shouldn't be issuing any big orders for at least a little while. ]
I understand. Thank you for the advice, Miss Ciel.
[ It wasn't the lecture she expected, but in a good way. ]
[ Gray might have expected that some Pleroma would abandon all caution and come to Abel and Himeka's rescue — Thoma comes to mind — but Ciel speaks with so much certainty. From the sound of it, she expects things to get chaotic... which wouldn't be surprising given the Pleroma Aions' doggedness in rescuing Vaeka. Gray should probably find it frustrating, but she doesn't. ]
[ Gray, who's only just begun to accept that she needs to change her circumstances, does not quite understand. It sounds like Ciel has something much more urgent in mind — and she may very well be right that if there's any chance of taking action, it will be when the action elsewhere is thickest. ]
... Even if it's at odds with the Regent's wishes?
[She 'asks' without asking, keeping her gaze trailed into the distance without looking back at Gray.]
You haven't disobeyed any direct orders. You simply bore witness to a callous display of what passes as the norm in Achamoth, and it's what made you realize you can't stay here without compromising your sense of self. The Regent prefers willing followers anyway, so it's simply logical and best practice, for you to go before you can really get yourself in trouble.
[Her chest heaves as she exhales.]
We'll be okay here. Focus on yourself. Remember: you have to protect yourself before you can protect others.
[ That snaps things into clarity. Before she can help others, she has to help herself. That rings true to her, especially in this frustrating situation she's built for herself in which she's become little more than a child on the sidelines watching the adults rushing into disaster time and time again. If they feel they can't rely on her, then it must be because she doesn't seem reliable. She has to start with herself, and figure out how to help the people who matter to her in her own way. ]
I simply spoke my mind, no different from you. [Or how Gray is learning to, forming her own stance and putting her wishes into action.] Achamoth will be fine. The Kenoma will be fine. ["Without you."] You must evaluate and prioritize, on what's the most important part at the greatest risk of being lost forever.
[It doesn't need any elaborating, surely. And she does mean more than Gray's sense of self, in this case.]
Hold onto this feeling. When the time comes, don't look back.
[A stronger breeze blows by, lifting Ciel's bangs and threatening to push back Gray's hood. The view of the waters here from this shore... It's probably the last time they'll be here together like this, isn't it.
That's fine, so be it. As long as Gray follows her heart, her soul, they will certainly lead her away from here. Which is for the best, and affirming her wishes is all Ciel can do for her.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
2/2
Date: 2022-08-09 09:18 pm (UTC)What do you mean?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 06:58 am (UTC)[ Capturing Abel. Treating him like he's nothing. Gray's witnessed a Ciel who's had all kinds of opinions about Abel, but even if they were overwhelmingly annoyed and negative, they still came from a place genuinely human. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-10 07:28 am (UTC)I am all that and worse, Gray. I made my choice to be on this side from the very beginning. You wouldn't have been pushed into this difficult position if not for what I did, right?
[Folding her hands at her back, she answers calmly, easily.]
So in a sense, I suppose I really have no room to talk... But should you really be worrying about me, when your own situation is a lot more dangerous now?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 02:27 am (UTC)... Sorry. I don't really know how not to worry.
[ It's in her DNA... Even though her body turned into someone else's, her troublesome anxiety is all hers. ]
What do you mean by... dangerous?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 03:24 am (UTC)If you're suspected of acting against orders, your allies, or sympathizing with the enemy, it's only a matter of time before you get in trouble with things no one can help you with. That's why you can't stay here forever, Gray. Why you'll fade away little by little, unless you take the steps to start moving and change for yourself.
[She's too kind, too hopeful to be here, it's as simple as that.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 05:33 am (UTC)It's a lot to think about. Recognizing that change is necessary isn't the same as knowing the best way to enact that change. But now is the best time to meditate on it; following the chaos in both Godsblood and Venera, the Regent shouldn't be issuing any big orders for at least a little while. ]
I understand. Thank you for the advice, Miss Ciel.
[ It wasn't the lecture she expected, but in a good way. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-12 06:52 am (UTC)[Turning away from Gray, she folds her hands behind her back as she gazes out at the ocean.]
They'll come for their own, sometimes this month. Things will get really chaotic in Achamoth, there's no telling what's going to happen to anyone.
[She starts, almost contemplatively. The Pleromas, the Kenomas. Abel and Himeka.
Gray.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-15 07:36 pm (UTC)Miss Ciel?
[ It seems like something is on her mind. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-16 05:30 am (UTC)[Her gaze remains affixed on the sea's horizon.]
That would be the ideal time. Make sure to protect what's important to you then, and once you start moving, keep going, don't look back.
[Does she understand?]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 12:44 am (UTC)... Even if it's at odds with the Regent's wishes?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-18 09:52 am (UTC)[She 'asks' without asking, keeping her gaze trailed into the distance without looking back at Gray.]
You haven't disobeyed any direct orders. You simply bore witness to a callous display of what passes as the norm in Achamoth, and it's what made you realize you can't stay here without compromising your sense of self. The Regent prefers willing followers anyway, so it's simply logical and best practice, for you to go before you can really get yourself in trouble.
[Her chest heaves as she exhales.]
We'll be okay here. Focus on yourself. Remember: you have to protect yourself before you can protect others.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 04:00 am (UTC)[ That snaps things into clarity. Before she can help others, she has to help herself. That rings true to her, especially in this frustrating situation she's built for herself in which she's become little more than a child on the sidelines watching the adults rushing into disaster time and time again. If they feel they can't rely on her, then it must be because she doesn't seem reliable. She has to start with herself, and figure out how to help the people who matter to her in her own way. ]
Thank you, Miss Ciel. For speaking with me.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-25 06:28 am (UTC)[It doesn't need any elaborating, surely. And she does mean more than Gray's sense of self, in this case.]
Hold onto this feeling. When the time comes, don't look back.
[A stronger breeze blows by, lifting Ciel's bangs and threatening to push back Gray's hood. The view of the waters here from this shore... It's probably the last time they'll be here together like this, isn't it.
That's fine, so be it. As long as Gray follows her heart, her soul, they will certainly lead her away from here. Which is for the best, and affirming her wishes is all Ciel can do for her.]